You Might Be A Redneck When...

Jokes By Jeff Foxworthy

1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk. 
2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. 
3. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 
4. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. 
5. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 
6. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 
7. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial. 
8. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately. 
9. You've ever given rat traps as gifts. 
10. You clean your fingernails with a stick. 
11. Your coffee table used to be a cable spool. 
12. You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table. 
13. Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. 
14. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door. 
15. The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape. 
16. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. 
17. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap. 
18. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 
19. Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell." 
20. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house. 
21. You've ever bought a used cap. 
22. You've ever financed a tattoo. 
23. You've ever stolen toilet paper. 
24. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture. 
25. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot. 
26. You prefer car keys to Q-tips. 
27. You take a fishing pole into Sea World. 
28. You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup. 
29. you own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves. 
30. someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle. 
31. directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road." 
32. you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income. 
33. you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle. 
34. Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people. 
35. your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan. 
36. you see no need to stop at a rest stop 'cause you have an empty milk jug. 
37. you consider the fifth grade you senior year. 
38. you have a rag for a gas cap. 
39. the dog can't watch you eat without gagging. 
40. you have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be. 
41. you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill. 
42. your brother-in-law is also your uncle. 
43. Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card. 
44. you view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls. 
45. your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. 
46. your other truck is made by John Deere. 
47. you think suspenders are a type of shirt. 
48. going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight. 
49. you keep a spit cup on the ironing board. 
50. you ever got too drunk to fish.