A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since he lives on a farm, his mother asks if he's done his chores. Little boy says, "Not yet." His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little annoyed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. Boy says, "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" His mother says, "Well, I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning." Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and as he's walking into the kitchen, he kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
A big shot business man has to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He's a royal pain to the nurses, bossing them around like he does his employees. None of the hospital staff wants anything to do with him, and the head nurse is the only one who can stand up to him. One day she comes into his room and says, "I have to take your temperature." Guy complains for several minutes, and then he settles down, crosses his arms and opens his mouth. The head nurse says, "I'm sorry, but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This starts another round of complaining, but eventually the guy rolls over and bares his hiney. He feels the nurse insert the thermometer, and then she says, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as people walk past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the guy's doctor comes into the room and says, "What's going on here?" Guy says, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" Doctor says, "Well, no, I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation, anyway."
You hear the one about Sven and Ole, who worked together and were both laid off? So off they go to the unemployment office. The clerk asks Ole his occupation, and Ole says, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looks up panty stitcher, and finds it classified as unskilled labor, so she gives him $300 a week unemployment pay. Clerk asks Sven his occupation. Sven says, "Diesel fitter." Clerk sees diesel fitter is a skilled job, so she gives Sven $600 a week. Ole finds out about this and is furious. He storms back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and co-worker is collecting double his pay. Clerk explains that panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor. Ole yells, "What skill? I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Yep, deese'll fit her.'"
You hear the one about Sven and Ole, who worked together and were both laid off? So off they go to the unemployment office. The clerk asks Ole his occupation, and Ole says, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looks up panty stitcher, and finds it classified as unskilled labor, so she gives him $300 a week unemployment pay. Clerk asks Sven his occupation. Sven says, "Diesel fitter." Clerk sees diesel fitter is a skilled job, so she gives Sven $600 a week. Ole finds out about this and is furious. He storms back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and co-worker is collecting double his pay. Clerk explains that panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor. Ole yells, "What skill? I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Yep, deese'll fit her.'"
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